Wretched Desires
by TrulyMegalomaniac
Summary: The first time Lucy tries to satisfy her curiosity and get rid of her pent up frustration, she is caught by her older brother. And it doesn't end well. EdmundLucy.


Summary: The first time Lucy tries to satisfy her curiosity and get rid of her pent up frustration, she is caught by her older brother. And it doesn't end well. EdmundLucy.

**Warning: **Contains** incest**, consensual situations, masturbation and other mature content. And I mean it. You have been warned, so no flaming.

…

That was the third time she managed to hear it. There were slight words, pieces, laughs, feminine voices that belonged to various creatures. The Narnian creatures that served Cair Paravel, their kings and queens.

The youngest queen often used to roam through the castle. She liked to watch the fauns and the centaurs train outside in the sunlight. She often accompanied them and taught the younger ones archery or efficient methods to use daggers. She watched the mermaids and the dryads and laughed along with them, spreading joy and warmth. She also joined the female creatures in the kitchens or in the castle's rooms, keeping them company while they were doing their work.

She believed she got along with them, she believed they were all good friends who could share stories and songs and secrets.

But then, one day, the young queen discovered that commoners did not dare to share all their secrets with the royalties. Especially not with royalties like her.

They probably considered her naïve and innocent and childish.

She felt naïve and innocent and childish in the moment she heard the females talk about those things. She hid behind corners and near walls to catch more of what the female creatures were talking to each other. They enjoyed those subjects and they laughed about them.

Which terribly confused her. She wasn't even sure about the nature of their discussions, but she had a vague supposition, because her eyes had skimmed over some similar lines in the books she had read in her short life.

They spoke of euphoric experiences, of corporal pleasures, of touches and kisses and embraces they had committed with the males, which made her heart beat faster and her mind fuzzy with wanting and yearning for those experiences. There were details that embarrassed her sometimes, but she kept listening to them.

It was fascinating and hidden at the same time, it was something that she couldn't even imagine, because she had never thought about it until she heard those female creatures talk about it. No one had ever spoken to her about that.

She and her siblings had reached Narnia at very early ages, so it was natural that they weren't familiar with those experiences. She contemplated it better.

Or maybe _she _was the only one who hadn't experienced anything of sort.

Because her memories showed her that her older sister did indeed have suitors. Suitors that she accepted, unlike Lucy, who never took them seriously and dismissed them immediately. They never gained her interest and she didn't have any intention to give herself to men at such an early age.

She was seventeen and she was too carefree and puerile to spend her time in the company of males who wanted serious conversations and serious commitments. Her mind flew away immediately, she could never concentrate on being mature enough and serious and courteous like a true, well-grown lady.

That role belonged to her older sister, not to her.

But after she heard all those hidden stories, she started wanting it. She started wanting to be touched and kissed and taken in rough embraces by someone. The female creatures sounded so happy when they spoke of those, that her desire and wanting became almost unbearable.

Since Narnia didn't have other human residents, apart from her siblings, she waited for invitations to arrive. Invitations to balls in other lands, invitations from suitors, any suitors, or at least decisions to prepare balls in their own land, at Cair Paravel, where they could invite royalties and humans from Calormen or Archenland.

But weeks passed and nothing happened. Her sister, Susan, who usually was very keen on organizing ceremonies or eager to go to ceremonies, was more docile and calmer than ever. Her brothers didn't have any official meetings or contracts with royalties from other kingdoms.

They just enjoyed the beautiful surroundings, the nature, summer, free of worries and in no need of participating in anything.

Which frustrated the young queen to no end. She became restless and anxious and impatient. She wanted something, _anything_ to happen.

But she didn't dare to tell any of her siblings of her internal struggle, because they would worry and ask questions and the theme of her problems was something that one could not discuss with her own brothers and sister.

It was something intimate. It was emotional and physical at the same time.

She _ached_ to do something about it. Even by herself.

She heard of personal satisfaction from the female creatures. They spoke of that too and she wondered how they could do it. How someone could provoke herself euphoria and pleasure, as if her partner would do it. They used to do that in desperate times, when their need was at the highest limit, when they couldn't bear it anymore, after separations from their loved ones.

She even heard _how_ it should be done.

Lucy decided to put an end to her wanting. She really needed to free herself of the curiosity, of the frustration. She didn't even know why such a thing was happening to her, she presumed it was probably due to her maturing, due to her body change, but she knew she had to do it. Although, just the idea alone was tremendously embarrassing to her, so she was aware that she had to do her best not to be caught by anyone.

Because if she was going to be caught by any of her siblings, then she would never be able to look them in the eyes, ever again.

Which was why she decided to leave the castle, right in the evening, before the nightfall.

The young queen prepared her horse for the evening walk, attentive and careful. She didn't really want to meet anyone in that night, but, even if she did, she would just say she was going to spend a tranquil time near the woods. She used to do it at times, so no one would actually suspect anything. Especially _not_ what she had in mind.

To her fortune, she encountered no one, so she just rode her faithful horse right at a spot that she visited sometimes when she wanted to be alone with her own thoughts. Of course, she wasn't the melancholic, thoughtful type of person, like Edmund or Susan, but everyone had their own, private, favorite places.

Lucy had decided that the small meadow, right beyond a small hill in the woods, was the one that she liked to claim. No creatures ever passed that meadow, for all she knew, and she was sure no one would ever find her there.

She hoped that with all her might.

The girl stopped her horse ten or fifteen feet before she reached the meadow and let him rest there. She couldn't do it, not even with her faithful stallion around, so she lightly petted him, before she left him behind and walked at a quick pace, impatient and nervous.

As she reached the small meadow, she stopped and waited in stillness, trying to catch any source of noise, anything that suggested there were other creatures around.

Nothing could be heard, so it was good.

She didn't know how to begin. Everything was too strange, just the fact that she was actually intending to do something that she had never tried, something shameful and degrading, especially to a royalty, it was making her uncomfortable.

Still, through all the embarrassment and the fear, her curiosity and desire were stronger.

Her impulse drove her to lie right next to a tree trunk, on a small patch of dark grass, before her hands suddenly pulled her skirts up, so that they could reach their destination. She could feel her face warmer than usually, her heart beating wildly, but she didn't stop.

She didn't stop until her fingers touched the nub between her legs. She had never felt anything like it, the surge of pleasure that started flowing through her veins, the warmth that spread through her, that drove her to do more and more. Everything was flowing naturally, her legs opened wider without even commanding them to, her hand involuntarily went faster, her fingers stroking up and down the cleft between her legs, between the soft folds that hid her woman's place. She bit her lip and escaped a whimper and her other hand automatically went to the edge of her bodice, opened it to reveal her breasts that spilled free from the hold of her dress. To her surprise, she quickly touched one of her breasts without any inhibitions.

She didn't know when her mind started aimlessly wandering, but her imagination flew to vague images of a man doing all those things to her. She knew it would feel ten times better, she knew that the experience would be amazing. Just the thought of someone stronger, with larger hands, caressing her like that, drove her over the edge and made her escape a soundly moan that echoed around her. She stopped for a moment, afraid that someone or something might have heard her, but the eerie stillness remained undisturbed.

The young girl slowly continued her movement, suddenly dawning on her that the place between her legs was now wetter than it had ever been. She bit her lip again and let herself free, continuing to caress there. She moaned boldly this time and gently moved her hips in accordance with her desire and wanting, her hand going faster, the sounds coming from her mouth becoming louder and louder. The surge of pleasure was so strong, so powerful, that she felt she was going to explode at any moment, she felt like she was going to scream at the euphoric sensation. She was almost there…

Until a twig cracked, making her freeze.

Lucy stilled with her right hand between her thighs as she felt like her heart was going to jump out through her chest. She was paralyzed to the ground in a hollowed out tree trunk, as her worst nightmare unfolded in front of her eyes.

She could have gotten over it if she had been caught by any other creature. _By anyone. _Even if any other sibling had caught her, it would have been easier for her, after that. Susan, because she was her older sister and a girl too, or even Peter, because he usually was much more comforting and could easily see through and forget her mistakes.

But not Edmund. _Never Edmund_.

Edmund was the brother that intimated her the most. She didn't know why, but he always did. He didn't treat her like she needed special care, like she was the baby of the family, like Peter and Susan did all the time. She couldn't say he was harsher, but he wasn't overprotective either. He teased her and wittily joked with her, he could see who she actually was, could read her like an open book.

He was…_different_.

As all those thoughts passed through her mind in a blink of an eye, she kept staring wide-eyed at her older brother, who was returning the stare, emotionless and unmoving. She couldn't read anything in his dark eyes. It wasn't shock and neither repulsion. She was so astounded that she forgot she was still with her skirts pulled up, revealing almost everything, as well as her breasts that were still uncovered.

Just as she remembered her state, Lucy quickly covered her chest with one arm and pulled the other from between her legs, trying to cover what he had already seen.

She felt like she was going to burst out in remorse and shame and she was aware that she was on the verge of crying. She hoped that he wasn't going to say anything about it, that he was going to let her be, but she knew he wasn't going to forget.

She barely stood up on her trembling legs, one hand keeping her dress around the upper part of her thighs, the other weakly hiding her naked chest. She waited for him to say something, anything, but, to her growing demise and unease, he kept staring at her blankly, scrutinizing her with his intimidating gaze. She presumed that was his manifestation of being in shock after he had witnessed her disturbing act.

No more little, innocent Lucy. He was probably seeing her as a low person, now that he had found out what she had tried to do. And it pained her. It pained her terribly.

She couldn't bear the idea of any of her siblings hating her. She couldn't bear the idea of Edmund hating her.

"Edmund, please…" The young girl murmured devastated, small tears gathering in the corners of her blue eyes. She didn't even know what she was asking for. She was asking him to say something. To forget. To forget about this horrendous incident.

His stare was like a burden, like a painful burden, and she avoided his eyes, remaining in the same spot. She suddenly realized the forest was already dark, which meant it was probably late. _Too late._

"You shouldn't be out here by yourself."

The sound of his voice snapped her out of her reverie and made her raise her head. She gaped tense and surprised at him as he approached her in a few steps. He didn't seem to be furious or revolted. He didn't seem to give any sign that he had seen her doing such a scandalous thing not more than a few minutes ago. To Lucy's amazement, he seemed to ignore her hurt, desperate reactions.

She looked up at him as he stopped in front of her, not farther than a few inches. She couldn't see him very well in the darkness that had fallen upon the woods, but she knew something was definitely out of place. He was acting too casual, _too normal_, which wasn't normal for someone who had just caught his sibling in such a disgraceful, undignifying position. She knew Edmund was stoic and collected most of the time, but even he wouldn't react like that.

Or so at least she thought.

"How long have you been doing this?" He inquired in a low voice, physically closer than he had been to her in a long time. He was so close that she could hear his breath, which was steady and calm, as opposed to hers. Her head was still hurting from all the stressful emotions, as well as from the tension that seemed to grow thicker in the night cool air.

His question caught her by guard. It was sudden and strange coming out of him, since that was the first time he was acknowledging the embarrassing incident.

She couldn't answer to something like that. She couldn't discuss something like that with her own brother. It was awkward enough that he had caught her. They should forget about it and move on.

Her eyes silently _pleaded_ him to forget about it.

"Edmund… I-I can't-"

"_How long_ have you taken care of this need by yourself?" He repeated, sharply this time. She bit her lip and looked at the ground.

"This is the first time." She muttered, waiting for his harsh judgment. She expected him to turn around and never look at her again. She expected him to say she was degraded and foul. That a young queen, a queen who was ruling over a blessed land like Narnia shouldn't do such vile things.

There was complete silence for a few moments. Until he spoke again. Something that startled her beyond belief.

"Good."

She remained petrified, her eyes wide and fearful as he came closer. Her arms instinctively tightened around herself. Then she could suddenly feel his arms taking her into an embrace. Her breath quickened as she looked into his dark eyes, her pulse speeding up when she realized she was half-undressed in her brother's arms.

That gesture was odd and too unusual for Edmund. Unlike Peter or Susan, he rarely hugged her, except when they were separating or when they were seeing each other after long periods of time. And the hugs weren't like that, they were short and warm and welcoming.

That embrace was intimate, too intimate, it was something that she had never done with any of her siblings. _Or anyone_, if she recalled better.

To her shock, she suddenly realized that she liked his embrace, his touch that was setting her nerves on fire, it was twisting her mind, because her body was reacting as if she was suddenly touching herself again. She couldn't _think_ pressed up against him so firmly, the heat radiating from his body so that it seemed to soak into her, warming her to the core and she had to remind herself that he was Edmund, _her older brother_.

But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't see him as her older brother in that moment. His intense stare, the way his dark hair fell into his face as he stared at her, she had never felt more attracted to anything in her entire life, from all points of view. Edmund had always been something that she couldn't reach, something hidden and closed, that never revealed itself completely. And he was also a man, he was much stronger, bigger and he had large hands…

And one of them was now caressing the small of her back and started going lower and lower, until it reached her rear. It was wrong, wrong on all different levels. She wriggled a little, trying to escape from his tight embrace, but she didn't have enough strength. His intense stare was overpowering her, it was numbing her mind and her body and she couldn't help but press herself further into his well-built chest as his hand went under her skirts, traced the line of her rear, then pried her legs open and touched her _right there_.

Lucy took a sharp intake of air as her thighs clamped shut on his hand, suddenly terrified and alarmed. She wildly squirmed into his arms, but he kept holding her tighter than ever. She raised her head and shared his fixed, frightening stare.

"We can't do this, Edmund…" She murmured. No matter how much she wanted it, how much _her body_ wanted it, her conscience was still stronger.

_Because he was her older brother._

Edmund continued to fix her intensely, before he pressed his palm between her legs again, with more force this time. She whimpered and closed her eyes tightly as she buried her face into his chest. His other hand grasped her chin and lifted it, making her look into his almost feral eyes.

"Open your legs." He commanded. The girl looked up frozen at him, mortified. She couldn't believe he had just told her that. She couldn't comprehend why he was doing all those things. Why he wanted to do that to her, in the first place.

"It's not right…" She retorted fearfully, blue eyes glazed over with wanting and struggle at the same time.

He stared, then approached his face to hers.

"I'm just helping you, Lu." He continued in a stern, low voice. "You need this." He paused and passed his fingers through her fair locks. "It's just an experiment that we will both let behind, that's all."

She gaped at him, scared and confused, as he silently persuaded her with his fingers that were moving again, with the movement that he could afford with her thighs squeezing his hand. Small noises were coaxed out of her, even though she tried to force them down while she panted. She inhaled tense, before she reluctantly eased her thighs a bit.

"That's it." He approved satisfied, talking to her as if he was giving lessons to a child. Then she realized that she _really was_ a child in this area. The thought irked her and angered her to an extent. The thought that Edmund was more experienced and that he had probably done this with other girls before.

She drove those thoughts away from her mind, as his fingers began rubbing along her cleft, which made her utter a strangled sound and give him an anguished look. All her insides turned into a melting puddle, her body started trembling with excitement, her entire being filled with fire. Her chest was pounding loudly as she spread her thighs, giving him more access.

Edmund suddenly pressed himself into her so hard that she felt the need to take her arm away from her breasts that remained bare and uncovered right in front of his eyes. Her embarrassment was overwhelmed by her desire for him, for his fingers that kept stroking her there. It felt _so good, _better than anything she had ever felt before, so she started moving her hips rhythmically, rubbing herself against his hand, pushing her breasts towards him and looking at him through half-closed eyes. Edmund's breath was heavy now as he stared in twisted fascination at her, taking in her naked breasts that pushed into his chest.

She felt his rough fingers tracing the edge of a breast before he cupped it in his hand and ran his thumb over her pink, stiff nipple, over and over. She wriggled and arched her back at his touch, escaping a loud cry of pleasure as the heat and the throbbing between her legs increased tenfolds.

"Edmund…" She cried needy and desperate. He gave a low growl and covered her mouth entirely with his own in lust, slipping his tongue into her mouth and tangling it with hers into an urgent and passionate lip-lock. She fervently responded to his kiss and opened her mouth wider as he intruded it, moving her lips against his, tasting, feeling, melting into him. His hand was rubbing faster and faster, between her folds, over her swollen nub again and again, and she cried wordlessly into his mouth, as his rough hand brought her to the edge of her release.

She pushed her hips against his in wild abandon, and felt his manhood that touched her nub through his clothes, and she suddenly wanted it, she wanted it so badly that she couldn't even see clearly.

There were scandalous thoughts passing through her head, thoughts that drove her out of her mind, when it dawned on her that she wanted him to _do it_ to her, to fill her with his manhood and push into her until she passed out in pleasure.

The images that passed before her eyes, the feeling of his hand rubbing her there, his dark eyes that set her on fire, and then the feeling of his hips thrusting forcefully against her own, all those brought her peak, an unbelievable sensation that she had never experienced before. She closed her eyes and arched her back as he kissed her hungrily again, before she moaned his name into his mouth. His fingers tangled into her hair and brought her head back so that he could look into her eyes as she peaked.

Her body shuddered with release and fell limp into his arms as she whispered his name again. Edmund buried his face into her neck, then she could feel his lips trailing hot kisses on the side of it, then on her jaw, until he reached her mouth and softly claimed it one last time. She responded shaken and winded up by everything that just happened between them.

They remained in silence for a while, the only sounds being their ragged, heavy breaths. As she panted, she noticed that her naked chest was heaving and still touching his.

As if her conscience abruptly took over her again, she lifted her arm and covered her breasts in one move. She writhed and Edmund stared taken aback at her as he understood her intention and eased his hold, releasing her from his embrace. She backed away and averted her gaze, not being able to look him in the eyes.

The pleasant, euphoric feeling slowly faded away to be replaced by regret and shame. Her conscience was overcoming her, everything was returning to her as painful and unbearable. She couldn't believe she had let herself carried away like that, she couldn't believe they had both committed something so mortifying and out of place.

She didn't know why it happened, how they could have possibly seen each other different in those moments, she couldn't perceive what changed. How it was possible that they had forgotten they were brother and sister. Why Edmund had initiated something like that between them and why she had let herself convinced.

It had been like a manifestation on the spur of the moment, something she couldn't understand. Something that she knew it was going to mark them, in spite of his words.

Because she was sure normal siblings didn't commit such experiments with each other.

"Lucy." He spoke lowly, attempting to approach her. She took a step backwards, still avoiding his gaze.

"Please, don't…" She whispered, her voice almost trembling. Now she was seriously on the verge of crying, but she abstained from it. She didn't want to be weak, especially not in situations like this one. And especially not in front of him. "You said it was going to be just an experiment that we will let behind…" She muttered. When she raised her eyes, she understood they were already swimming in tears, for she couldn't see him clearly. But she could still perceive his stony expression, one that he often used when desolation, anger or remorse clouded him.

"And we will." He retorted, on a low, controlled tone, his dark, ardent eyes striking her to the core, almost hurting her. "We will, Lucy."

She peered at him. It was piercingly quiet between them. Unsettling, but she did nothing to break it. Her heart was pounding intensely, so hard that it was wounding her chest.

She didn't back away anymore when he approached again and caressed her face, pushing stray strands out of her blurry eyes. Then he stretched his other arm and encircled her waist, looking into her eyes as he slowly drew her skirts down, making her breath grow heavier due to the proximity. Still, that proximity only lasted for a few moments, because he released her as soon as he finished arranging her rumpled dress.

"Come on." He spoke calmly. "It's already late."

He turned around and her thoughts started whirling as she gazed at his powerful shoulders covered by the black cape, at his dark hair enlightened by the moon, at his bold, masculine stride, and she knew she had never had those thoughts before, about _anyone_.

She knew sisters didn't admire their older brothers that way, didn't feel such an overwhelming rush of attraction every time they looked at them.

That wasn't something she could let behind.

It was a beginning. A beginning of something twisted and dark and morally wrong, something that she knew she couldn't escape of, even if she tried to.

With all her inner strength.


End file.
